Being a new mom is NOT for the faint of heart. Postpartum depression can hit HARD, leaving you with nagging feelings of anxiety and depression, while zapping your libido. Your body, mind, and schedule have gone through the wringer and now you’re left feeling depleted and in desperate need of a nap. It can feel overwhelming to create balance in this new reality, and many moms struggle with self-confidence, a flagging libido, and even less time to do anything about it.
But guess what… you are not alone! The great news is, you don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Understanding what you just went through, the physical impact, the emotional toll, and where to go from there to once again flourish is understood more today than ever before. Let’s get into it!
1. Understanding your badass bod. What in the HELL just happened?
Your body just went through a tremendous adventure! Your chemicals are all out of whack, your sleep schedule has been flipped upside down, and you are likely not feeling yourself. All of this is COMPLETELY normal and a common occurrence with PPD. Extreme sadness, anxiety, and fatigue can make it difficult to care for yourself and others- something new moms often carry shame around. Here are some tips to implement immediately to give yourself some breathing room. Let’s put your oxygen mask on first by doing the following:
- Getting as much rest as possible. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Make sure to turn down the light and sound on your phone. Get black out curtains and turn the temperature down in your bedroom. Change your sheets. Make your bedroom your sanctuary so that you can get that restorative rest that will help you heal, inside and out.
- Accept help from family and friends. GIRL. Let people help you in the ways they CAN. Have easy meals within reach so people who suck at cooking can pitch in. Leave the clean laundry for a friend to fold. Busy friends can order food and have it delivered, or send along a gift card. Make it easy for your village to contribute at the level that works for them. ASK FOR AND TAKE THE SUPPORT.
- Tap into wisdom and experience. Connect with other new moms. Connect with moms who have done this before. Just connect. Shy? Lurk on those online forums for embarrassing questions and the answers that you need, but can’t bring yourself to ask. You’re not the first person to have a baby. Let’s learn what we can from others' experiences and let them encourage you while we’re at it!
- Create time to take care of yourself. Take that shower. Wash your hair. Hydrate. Put on lotion. Wear the comfy clothes. YOU JUST MADE A HUMAN DAMN IT. You GET to pamper yourself with some comfort while you heal! Hydrate. Get some ridiculous slippers and wear ‘em with pride. Eat nourishing food. Hydrate.
- Avoid alcohol and recreational drugs. At least for now. As fun as they can be, they can also impede the healing process. Let's get you back on your feet before you throw some back.
Now that you’re caring for yourself, you have more to offer others! Doing the above makes you FEEL better because it’s helping you rebalance and regulate the absolute explosion that unfolded on the inside of your body. Now that you’re feeling rested, comfortable, and nourished, let’s turn our focus to assessing what we’re working with.
2. Getting to know the NEW, old you!
You just accomplished something miraculous. Your body just made a WHOLE ASS ‘nother body! That’s no small feat! You’re a MOM. You just joined a club that is as old as time, yet so magical that even now, we are still learning about it! That is as badass as it GETS. Oh, your friend ran a marathon? Well, at the end, did a WHOLE ASS ADDITIONAL PERSON join them at the finish line? Because THAT is what just happened here. You did that. Instead of lamenting the fit of those skinny jeans of yesteryear, let’s focus on the absolute PRIMAL MAGIC the physical form you inhabit just accomplished! How amazing! Let’s reward that body with some pleasure because, after all THAT, we need a little treat. And speaking of pleasure…
3. Getting Busy While Being Busy
Following childbirth, there’s a LOT going on down there. Healing times vary, and putting pressure on yourself can increase PPD symptoms. Instead, go with the flow! Listen to your body, honor its current state, and reintroduce pleasurable sensations in the ways that feel good now, at this current level of healing. Let’s look at some ways that might look:
- Affection. Let’s get your partner in on the action with some non-sexual intimacy. Back tickles, little forehead smooches, foot rubs, or running their fingers through your hair can be so comforting as you heal. Luxuriate in these shared micro-connections, as they release all the natural feel good and bonding chemicals that can boost a new mom in body and spirit.
- Scheduled and mindful intimacy practices. Ensuring that you and your partner regularly connect physically can support healing and connection. Regularly scheduled windows of mindful intimacy can help regulate nervous systems, boost sexual confidence, and lead to the stirring of libidos.
- Self-exploration. New bod, who dis? Solo exploration helps a new mom rediscover and reclaim her tender bits. Taking it slow, practicing mindfulness in self pleasure, using toys and aids can all serve to boost sexual confidence and increase body positivity. Feeling hot and sexy makes you hot and sexy, and before you know it, that libido is roaring to get back in the game!
Now that you’re reclaiming yourself and reconnecting with your partner, let’s see how to expand opportunities to ease some of that sexual tension!
4. Keeping Things Chill So You Can Get A L’il
Having a baby in your home can bring a lot of chaos, but creating an environment and mindset that is stress free keeps the focus on the fun! Integrating mindfulness into daily life with your partner is a great way to keep both of your heads in the game of getting head. Here are a few you can try right now:
-
Gratitude practice. Take a pause. – now, in THIS moment, name 5 things you are grateful for and why. Do this several times a day and you will train your brain to scan for things that bring joy to your life! A better mood and brighter outlook on life has been shown to result in more amorous engagement for new parents!
-
Body awareness meditation. You bring your whole self to the table when you’re engaging with another, so let’s make sure you’re tuned in to what’s happening on the homefront! Touching base with each part of your body opens up new possibilities with your romantic partner.
- Reduce environmental distractions. It’s hard to think about getting it in when you can see that there’s a pile of laundry that needs the same. Decluttering, adding calming elements like music and scents, creating a private space, and establishing relaxation routines are great ways to clear physical and mental space for shenanigans to unfurl!
Being in touch with yourself and your process, engaging your partner, and ensuring your environment remains free of distractions are great steps in the right direction. But what if you miss something? How do you remain consistent? Is there a way to really tackle PPD head on, like a muscular wrestler in a skimpy singlet?
5. Community, structure, and habit creation to …KEEP IT UP.
Support is here for YOU. We have taken the cumulative experience of women and created a curriculum that addresses the most challenging aspects of PPD. The Ultimate Pleasure Bootcamp is designed to empower moms to reclaim their sexual confidence, enhance intimacy, and achieve fulfilling sexual wellness through practical, time-efficient strategies that fit into their busy lives. Designed to unfold over four months through video lessons, workbooks, guided meditations, interactive activities, and community support, this online course is a must for new moms!
Ready to reclaim your sexy self? Click here to gain a new understanding of your body and revive your pleasure!